better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
