He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
