dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
two words: eviction party
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
