Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
