I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
