I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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