He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
