That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
