i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize