Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
