If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
