Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
