Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
