Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
