don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
