and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
