Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
