Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
