listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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