Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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