I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
