but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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