Who did Billy Mays play for?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
