I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
