dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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