My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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