drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
