i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
