I CAN MOONWALK!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
