i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
