She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
