So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
