just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
