She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize