What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
