I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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