Where did you get a picture of my penis
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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