I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
