I'm passing your future prison.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
