Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
