We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm at about main and main street
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
