Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thus making me awesome and them whores
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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