i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
