Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
