Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
