Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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