Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
