I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
