operation harelip BJ is a go
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
