you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize