i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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