Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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