Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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