we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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