woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
