just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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