She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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