I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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