Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize