Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
