i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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