my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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