Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The adults are the big ones right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
