Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just want to make out with him forever
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
