His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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