We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
