I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
